Self Portrait

Self Portraits are weird. Not ALL of them, but alot of famous artists have done some pretty strange self portraits. Don’t get me wrong, painting or drawing is a good way to “channel your feelings” or whatever, but in all seriousness I think some artists got a little full of themselves and tried to hard to create a self portrait with some deeper meaning. Seriously?! Painting yourself as a fricken deer with arrows in it?! What does that even MEAN? A normal painting with a sad expression or maybe a simple note that says “I feel bad” on the bottom of a would’ve gotten the message across…

yeah, nice job Frida Kahlo; thats REAL deep. ALSO, how is that deerlady still ALIVE? she’s got like nine arrows stuck in her, and a couple of em look like they’re lodged in some real vital areas. Now I don’t know if whoever is reading this has ever hunted deer…or pretty much anything for that matter, but after being shot in the neck, most animals die. I hate this picture. And now I’m craving venison. Lets move on, shall we?

Don’t get me wrong, painting yourself as a deer thats been shot full of arrows is pretty weird, but at least the deer has a normal expression on. The face is normal, and the deer’s posture is pretty normal looking. Lets look at a self portrait that has neither a normal expression or pose. I give you Mr. Joseph Decreux…Joe Decreux’s self portraits are so hilariously weird that they’ve become an internet meme. Look it up, they’re actually pretty hilarious (they’re usually modern song lyrics transcribed to old english)

I actually have no idea if he’s trying to get some kind of an idea across or if he was awesome enough to do these for fun, but Decreux’s self portraits are so hilariously awesome. Here’s a high resolution one, just in case you want to have one as your desktop background.

Hahahaha, what a classy dude. Anyways, I did a self portrait during one of my classes. Its not as weird as deerlady or as awesome as Decreux’s stuff. but here it is.

I decided that I needed an owl in my self portrait. The owl represents my inner pain and the tuxedo shirt represents the facade that is my gentlemanly personality towards the world.

Just kidding.

But seriously owls are cool birds.

The Choice

Picnics and don’t happen anywhere near as often as they should. There’s nothing quite like hanging out outside, sitting on the grass and devouring picnic delicacies. Ever since I was a tiny-tot, I’ve always had a hard time deciding which I wanted; the HotDog or the Hamburger.

Now a lot of people pass judgement on the hotdog, they’re considered disgusting to some; people call it “garbage food” and complain about how hotdogs are made out of gnarly leftover fat and other bits and pieces of the animal that nobody else wants. That’s not disgusting, that’s EFFICIENCY! it’s like some kind magical process that turns something nobody wants into one of the delicious foods crafted by the clumsy hands of humankind. It’s like recycling. I’m pretty sure that if people ate more hotdogs, there would be less global warming. People who don’t like hotdogs are wasteful. Not only are hotdogs eco-friendly, they’re pretty tasty. There’s pretty much an unlimited variety of toppings to put on em. Here’s a few examples. http://shine.yahoo.com/event/summergrilling/80-delicious-hot-dog-recipes-from-around-the-world-478838#photoViewer=1

I'm pretty sure I'd eat those

 

Kobayashi knows whats up

That guy is the greatest athlete of all time.

Anyways, on the other hand we have HAMBURGERS.

I don’t even know what to say about hamburgers, they’re so amazing. While not as convenient at picnics, hamburgers are so tasty. Don’t believe me? Just ask Samuel L. Jackson.

Anyhoo. This masterpiece represents the internal struggle while deciding which of the two you want.

That day “time code” was as far as I got in my notes…don’t judge.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Tribute to Jek Porkins

There are few franchises that have garnered a fan following as big as Star Wars; One might even say there are NO franchises to garner as big a following. 34 years and three horrible sequels later, Star Wars is still just as popular as it ever was. Appealing to a range from toddlers to people who watched the original in 1977, Star Wars has a ridiculously large fan base, and some small things that would be forgotten in any other movie have become cult icons. Enter Jek Tono Porkins, rotund starfighter pilot of  Star Wars IV: a New Hope (1977)…

Jek Tono Porkins or “Red 6”  as the “Red Squadron” called him, made a name for himself as “that one fat x-wing pilot”  back in 77′ when Star Wars first came out. As the first starfighter shot down, I’m pretty sure Porkins has less than 7 seconds of screen time. That’s just enough time to make himself out to be an unforgettably incompetent ass. The shear absurdness of the character of Porkins didn’t stop Lucasfilm (and Hasbro) from making an action figure of him. And with the shear absurdness of the Star Wars fanbase, it’s really not surprising that some of them bought it. Here is what YouTube user “goldleaderone” thought of the action figure. This guy cracks me up.

Pretty awesome…Now if that video inspired you to collect your own Jek Porkins action figure, just click the picture below for the Jek Porkins action figure at Amazon.

Porkin’s brief stint on the silver screen was all it took to make him ripe for parodies.

I’m not exactly sure why Mr. Jek Porkins is naked in this picture, but here he is. On his first and last attempt at destroying the deathstar

Drawing #7: Jason Sinoben

Religion is a pretty touchy subject for a lot of people, but I don’t think I’ll offend anyone if I say that there is no solid evidence proving (or disproving) the existence of some kind of deity in our universe. Throughout history, people have had many a name for an all-powerful, benevolent figure that looks after the human race: God, Allah, Waheguru, Elohim, Brahman, I’m not even gonna go into the polytheistic’ gods, that would take too long, but you get my point. There have been  a lot of people who’ve  worshiped a lot of different gods over time .

In western art there have been a lot of depictions of God; most famous of which is probably Michelangelo’s  painting on the Sistene Chapel

The Creation of Adam

In case you couldn’t guess, God is the one with the beard…and clothes. Clothes are a good thing to have.

Here’s a statue of Krishna, a central figure in Hinduism. Krishna’s been depicted in a number of different ways: a flute playing god-child, a prankster, a divine hero, or in this case, a dude dancing around without any pants on

Yeah. I’m not sure if that’s a small mini-skirt of a large belt, but that thing could probably afford to be a little bit lengthier.  Cool lookin dance though.

Anyways, This next piece of art from Jason Sinoben is a bizarre take on Deities.

Now I’m not completely positive, but I’m pretty sure that’s Lando Calrissian there.

Lando was a pretty classy dude. His story is one of friendship, betrayal, and redemption; you probably already know that though. If you don’t know who Lando Calrissian is, you should most likely drop what you’re doing and go rent the original Star Wars trilogy. The Prequel trilogy is good too, but in a mostly bad, yet hilarious way.

Rocko’s Modern Life

Rocko’s Modern Life was such a great show. Back in the early 90’s Rocko’s Modern Life was quite popular. Rocko’s Modern Life was full of adult humor; actually, the more I think about  it, the more I realize that young kids probably shouldn’t have watched it. That’s nothing new though. shows like Rocko’s Modern Life, Ren n’ Stimpy, and Cow and Chicken, though they’re airing on a kid’s cartoon, network have been laden with adult humor. With references to Clockwork Orange to political satire, these shows have have an element of humor that is completely lost on kids.

Mustaches are hilarious

I dunno why, but thy’ve always cracked me up.

Drawing #5: Joe Hamm

Vampire movies have been around since way back in the day. For some people just can’t get enough Vampire movies. Don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate a good vampire movie, but with the whole “Twilight” craze, vampires in pop culture is in a sad, sad state. I don’t understand how people can take something that is supposed to be a remorseless killing machine that drinks blood and turn it into a preteen romance movie. Does not compute…

How do you go from this….

 

to this?

….wat?

Anyways, vampire movies have been around for a long time, but it wasn’t until 1922’s “Nosferatu” that everyone realized that vampire movies were awesome.

For those who haven’t seen Nosferatu (you totally should see it)  I won’t spoil it for you, but basically it’s about a realtor who goes to Transylvania to sell Count Orlok (a vampire) a house. For some reason, he sells Orlok the house across the street from his own home then has to deal with it. I love the character of Count Orlok, he’s a pretty creepy dude, but not a scary kind of creepy, like the really awkward kind of creepy. Here’s a couple good examples of what I mean.

as if that isn’t awkward enough, check out what Count Orlok does during dinner time

yep. Orlok is just creepily awkward enough to try and suck that guys thumb. When I watch Nosferatu, sometimes I can’t help but feel awkward for Orlok, everything he does is just so hilariously awkward. The way he moves around is pretty awesome too. Check out this famous scene of Count Orlok awkwardly creeping around and giving a lady a heart attack.

Yep, Count Orlok is a pretty great character. This next piece of art is a little tribute to him.

I always thought it was funny how awkward Orlok made everything. Just the way he moved around and went about his business was creepy and awkward, so I liked to think about how awkwardly he would play with a Yo-Yo. The words at the top were the beginning of my notes for that class. In case you were wondering, it says “Stakhanovite = moral + hard worker” A stakhanovite is a soviet citizen who works past their mandatory quota.  Anywways, I hope you enjoy my picture of Count Orlok playing with a Yo-Yo. If you haven’t seen Nosferatu, I highly recommend you watch it. You can watch it on YouTube at the link posted below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F73hCPoEn44&feature=watch-now-button&wide=1

Drawing #4: Jason Sinoben

Graffiti has been around for a LONG time. As long as there have been walls there have been people who like to draw on them. The earliest example of what I consider REAL graffiti has got to be from the City of Pompeii, the city that is famous for getting wiped out by an angry volcano (hell of a way to go) One could argue that cave paintings are the first example of graffiti, but the way I see it If you live in a cave, and you paint on the wall, its just a picture on your wall. I guess if some unruly caveman intruded into another caveman’s house and painted obscene things on the wall it would be graffiti, but that sounds a little ridiculous. But that’s neither here nor there…Anyways, Pompeii was founded around 2,000 years ago, after it was rediscovered in 1749, archaeologists started finding some drawings and writings on the wall.   

Here is a list of various Graffito that has been translated

http://www.pompeiana.org/Resources/Ancient/Graffiti%20from%20Pompeii.htm

from simple things like “on April 19th, I made bread” to more obscene messages such as “Secundus likes to screw boys” it was all there.  Old-timer romans were a pretty gnarly bunch. Here is a link to the wikipedia page on Latin profanity. I’m definitely not going to recommend reading it, but here it is if you want to. Examples of the type of stuff you’d see written and drawn on the walls back in the day. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Latin_profanity

Anyways, Graffiti has come a long way since then. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure someone somewhere is running around spray-painting “So&So likes to screw boys” this very moment, but as an art form, graffiti has reached a level of sophistication that has never been seen before.

While in most places graffiti is considered vandalism and is illegal, the public can’t help but admire a lot of graffiti.

A few graffiti artists, like Banksy, Pixnit and Ces53 have garnered a lot of positive attention for the art of graffiti. No one knows who Banksy is, but whenever new art of his shows up, everyone flocks to go see it.

Anyways…Jason’s drawing is pretty amazing

The style of this drawing has a really cool urban feel to it. I feel like if this was painted up on a wall somewhere, it would be perfect. I’m not advocating vandalism here…but I think Jason should totally go paint this somewhere. This picture should be a mural on the side of a building. Also, that panda is throwing a TV into the ocean. That’s great.

Drawing #3: Joe Hamm

http://www.franciscodegoya.net/

Francisco Goya was a pretty cool dude.

Goya is one of those names you hear a bunch in the painting world; and for good reason, this guy was a pretty good painter. His work inspired people like Picasso and Manet  to become painters when they grew up. But that’s neither here nor there. Lets talk about Goya and his work…So Goya’s career started picking up after he started doing portraits for super classy aristocrats like Don Pedro here

After doing portraits for for a while, people started realizing how great this guy’s paintings were, so he was able to start selling other kinds of paintings. Like this one of a bunch of grown men playing with a kite.

Anyways, eventually Goya got old and nearly died a couple of times. He started getting paranoid about dying and began painting his REALLY cool stuff. Painting enthusiasts call them The Black Paintings . This painting is called Old Men Eating Soup

Now, a lot of The Black Paintings are pretty cool, but I’ve always had one favorite Goya painting. Saturn Devouring His Son.

If you’re unfamiliar with the story of Saturn(or Chronus) The story goes…Saturn heard some kind of a prophecy that one of his sons would grow up and kill him and take his spot as king of everything. Saturn didn’t like the sound of that, so every time a son was born, he would EAT HIM. This went on for a while, until Saturn’s wife, Hera, tricked him into eating a rock instead of one of the babies. The kid’s name was Zeus. Zeus grew up and banished him and became king of the gods, or something.

Anyways, I always thought that this painting was hilarious. I drew my own rendition of it during one of my classes…The original painting is pretty awesome, but It REALLY needed some rollerskates.

Drawing #2: By JoeHamm

I’m just gonna say it now. Abraham Lincoln was awesome. This guy re-unified the country and freed the slaves.

According to photographer David Weigers, there’s over 200 statues of Lincoln in the US(http://www.pbs.org/wnet/lookingforlincoln/interactives/maps/interactive-map-lincoln-statues-across-the-country/187/)

200 statues isn’t enough. We need more Statues of Lincoln. What a champion of truth and freedom! And I’m sure that hat and beard combo was a big hit with the ladies…Anyways, today’s drawing is a little homage to everyone’s favorite 6’4, scary looking president